I love spicy food but...


I love Spicy food, I love Curries, Chillis, Spicy sausages, Arrabiata, all of them. I love the eye watering flavour, my nose even runs. I love the warmth that grows in my mouth, the way I can't help but shovel more in my mouth as the heat takes hold. It's exciting: in a food way.
So how come I don't eat spicy food very often? I have no idea, so last night I got a chilli pizza last night, with jalapeños, red-eye chilli flakes and a Tabasco themed tomato sauce. Well it turns out my body adherers to a strict formula:
Spicy food + Next morning + jiggling = Imminent Trouser Danger
Now before you go off on your tangents, the jiggling this morning was driving along a bumpy freeway. My body gave me exactly 4 minutes warning that there should be nothing between its default exit and a suitable, fire shielded receptacle. It gave me this warning exactly 6 minutes from any possible place I could stop. This is a major freeway through a city, it's not like in the middle of forest or a detour round a toilet paper factory or anything.
Another pair of perfectly good underpants ruined!
I hate spicy food, I hate the eye watering stench. My nose even runs away. I hate the way the warmth spreads through my trousers, I hate the way I can't help but shovel more of it into my underpants. It's exciting: in a truly humiliating and olfactory way.
My passenger was also unimpressed.